Felt soo tired. Went to friend's fairwell party and also sorta my first one. She's going to Penang to further her studies. We walked soo long then finally go in a cafe and they start singing (kara-oke). I dont sing only listen to them. Well, it was very fun but somehow I rather just go home than staying there. I tried to get my mind off about it but I still cant wait to get home and think of him. Actually, I wanted to give him a sweater that I think it would look nice on him and a bottle of stars that I wrote something there for him. Now, I see remember those things, I don't know whether to be happy or cry. There was a rose also, which my uncle gave me that I thought that was what my life is: just like holding a rose with thorn on my hand, soo beautiful but it hurts... That rose, I kept it to remind me of him. Soo much things I see soo much pain...... I just wish I couldnt see at all but I'm still thankful that I got this far...

Two years ago, I promised myself that I would not fall in love until I finish studies. What if every guys are the same? What if he's is? That thought scared me.
It give me a lot of "what if" and I gave it some time to think about it.....


Now, I know more than anything, I loved him forever....

That Tuesday's moon. Such beautiful colour, simple yet you could see more than just black and white. It's more than anyone could even imagine. Just like a candle shone brightly in the darkness. It reminds me of you. Among the crowd, you are that special one, the one with colours while others are dull.
No point of me shedding tears, knowing that I can never be with you or should I say, never see you again. Yet I still need to finish my journey ahead of me with my own two legs. Alone isn't the problem, it is what the road ahead of me, covered by that thick layer of fog. It just blinded me, as if I'm covered by a blindfold. I stood that shivering. To tell you the truth, I am afraid of the past. Scared of turning back, I shall walk the road ahead of me. I had learned something "They said life is all about loss but it is not an excusses to destroy yours."
All I could do is write down my feelings...
I hardly knew the real you or even see you, still I love you.
The past few days, I have trying to find an excusses for myself not to love you. Trying to deny it, in the end I still found the foolish and naif part of me loved you deeply.
They said love makes you care for others but not yourself; Cry for others but not yourself. Selfishly loved you with love which is more than love. Only love me and only me, I would return your love to you only and no one else.
My love, it makes me want to give you my heart and soul to you rather than keeping it inside. Love makes me want to share my life with you. Unfortunately, I couldn't really write the full meaning of my love towards you. The real feeling towards you, I couldn't even express it.....
Every single moment, I tried to deny it. Yet every second you would appear in my head. Everything I do, everything I see, it's you I saw. There isn't anyday I never thought about you.....



happy bday, I wish for your happiness...

I did smth crazy.. - -" prank call a person and confess to him. Cause I lose the game then the punishment is tat. Walau... that person sucks.... He say he's a singer and say at KL with his manager at the studio doing work. He also say want to go genting to get awards for being a new comer in his company. He also say he next week going to ask. I cant stand thHongKong to find apartment. WTF.... Somemore say those crap things which I never ose loser guys talking crap to girls. Cause I cant stop laughting, he say slowly, slowly... My friend call me to ask him sing a song then he sing.. Not only one but two! I cant stop laughting.. One of my friend rolling on the floor and another run to another room and jump around. Somemore thinking about it OMG.. SOO COLD!!! MY HAIR ALL STAND LE! My friend tell me to say "if you dont accept me, I will cry and accept another guy" Then the guy say "wait! I will tell you tmr 80% accept 20% no." Lol than today he say he accept but for one week only. = =" What kind of shyt is tat???? Somemore he's like soo despo lol.... Part of me also say I shouldn't play with people's feeling but actually I feel he deserve it! This kind of guy all bullshyt. Just go die enuff le.

Wah!! Last Sunday, finally for one year plus never see him le! =/ last time my tuition mate. Lol.. I do feel I'm always attracted to this kind of smart and cool kind of look. Weird... But wah.. its like om when I saw him. I think he forgot me le, well, I don't really care XD I still ignore too..... My town soo small, barely see him... dots.........

Yesterday was Teacher's Day, well, I was appointed to help setting that event. Aww.. my leg hurts badly and dam sweaty. But it felt nice to do this kind of stuff. Making teachers happy ^^ After the celebration, I stayed back to clean up the school. - -" My finger got cut and my the other hand hurts. After cleaning, all the stay back wanted to play a game. I make a tic tac toe and write the punishment inside. All of them are prank calls but different kind. There is one soo funny, because my friend cant stop laughting, she din't say a word, the guy say "Slowly, I give you time to talk." Another one is my other friend need to tell the person "I love you" but to a guy. He say "Do you believe I'm gay?" The other person reply " Do you believe I will call my bro?" Diao... My sis need to do a prank call too. She say that "I have been longing to say this... I love you." The person reply "Sry, I got like another girl le." Then my sis beg him to tell who is the girl and say that she will cry if he don't. Lol..... My other friend called a guy from another school. She says that she's form 2 and she like him. The guy say "Are you sure you know me?" Then she say ya. Then he nothing to say and pass to another guy. My friend scold and call the guy to put him on the phone back. I cant stop laughting. Somemore, lucky I dint get choosen. Seriously, even it's a prank call, I cant talk to a person through phone. I feel very uncomfortable even if I talk to my friends. The maximum it last is only 1 minute. And - -" i get nervous talking to people through phone, even with my best friend. Lol.. weird huh? Well.. Its me =/ weirdo~

Hate chiness who speaks chiness!! Diu... always criticizing..... especially when people don't have mood. Zzz.... people only say that don't you feel guilty cheating or not, then start to criticizing me. So dam xxxx up!!! People in bad mood sumore made me cry.

Yea!!! First time 3 days can play a pieces! ^^ soo happy~ but still got exam..... *sob*

Whenever I look stand infront of a mirror, I always ask myself which is the real me. Sometimes I felt I'm not the real person. I felt like I'm just acting to be somebody else. Am I the person who know what I'm doing or the naive one? The person typing this or the person that goes to school?
To me, I felt the naive one is me. I'm always the outdated one, the weird one. Felt like I'm always put aside from other people. Some of my friends know the real me, but somehow I have been acting to be another person. I just don't want to be the person I used to be, felt afraid and alone. Sometimes I lost confidence on myself. When I try to get back myself, I become a person who I want to be and it's the opposite of me....

There's nth much I want to say. Nothing much happen. Only to say I love you. How I wish to say that to you...

Nobody to share, talk to. Feels quite lonely and quiet. Had a fight with my parents. I feel that my life is always controlled. I don't want to be. I don't want my life to be controlled, felt like everything must go their way even my love life. Zzz.. I just want to love someone on my own. I don't want them to choose for me. I just want a bit of freedom. Love is only something I want to choose. Others have theirs but I don't have mine. They say cause in my family its different from others. Sometimes I feel I don't want to be born if I knew life is like this. Sometimes I just feel want to fall too. To feel the feeling from the sky, nothing around me. Free thoughts, not thinking whats going to happen, only enjoy the feeling from up there. To enjoy the present and not thinking of the future.

In a bright light, a piano is in sight. A huge dark grand piano beside it, the curtain float gracefully. The breeze blew softly. The wind gently touches my skin. A warmness felt through me as I walk towards the light. Slowly touches the keys, seeing how beautiful it was. I press the notes, a beautiful sound went through me. Strong yet gently. So I continue playing the notes. The music was made, I hear carefully as every notes I heard. It sound like a story, felt sad yet it continue to go on. There is a meaning in every single note, it felt like love in onces life when it turns out that everything is only a dream.
The last thing i remember, I was on my bed. I had forgotten the notes but the music in my dream, its shows my feeling yet my eyes were dried. The graceful music played over and over in my mind, felt like seeing people dancing gracefully in my mind. I just wish I could play it out.
Even if its true, even if my love is just a lie. It's my mistake to make this mistake. As he's happy, I'm happy. Just remembering the music I dreamed, I can just move forward.

My stupid friend. Always pittying herself. I got fed up and kinda scold her. She keep saying her love life sukz, her life sux. Walau, got nth to pitty ar? Look at the word nia, there are soo many people suffering more than she do. So what if your love life sux? Its only a small part of your life. They suffer their intire life without a proper shelter and food. Then she say cause I never experience love that why I said that. Wth.... People can life enough aready. You should thank god that you have a home to stay. Hate those people who complain without really opening up their eyes.